Tips For A Trans Man When Dating A Straight Woman
A transgender man will often realize when growing up, that even though he was assigned to be a male at birth, as he grows up, he feels trapped in his body. He feels as if he was meant to be a woman. In his later years, like so many other transgender people, he will get surgery and try to transition to the sex that he feels most comfortable with.
It’s not a given that transgender people always get surgery to transition
In fact, only 33% of transgender people do report undergoing gender-confirming surgery [1]. Some people choose not to have surgery just because they want to be defined for what and who they are.
Are transgender men interested in dating straight women?
Dating might get a bit easier in the future for the transgender community. Tinder said they were going to add more genders to their dating app. Some transgender men have been pleasantly surprised to find that some straight women care more about what’s on their minds and in their hearts than what is in their pants.
Communicate openly and honestly
One transgender man said that “Our predicament forces us to communicate very openly and honestly, very early on about our vulnerabilities”. But when you are open and honest, it fosters true trust and connections.
Use trans dating sites
You get ones such as TsDates, Butterfly and Mytransgenderdate. It’s a good one because it allows for specific filtering. If you are a trans guy, you get the opportunity to not reveal straight away that you are transgender to any of your potential partners. Usually when someone likes you, telling them is not such a big deal-breaker. Sometimes a transman will make out with a straight women first because it tells him what kind of physical and sexual chemistry they will have into the future.
It will require some gentle navigating
From the point of ‘telling’ your partner that you are a transgender male, it will take a bit of gentle navigating to elaborate on what you have revealed. One transgender man said that on telling a woman that he was trans, she said, “sometimes you get given a gift you didn’t know you wanted until being presented with it.” Once again, being open and honest usually brings positive results!
Some heterosexual women simply don’t know how they feel about the idea of dating a trans man
A transgender man will have to realize that not all potential straight woman partners will be happy with him revealing who he really is. They will say something like, “I’m really sorry, you’re a really nice guy but…” You have to be prepared for that. In many instances, straight women have found that once they become sexual with him, there are more pros than cons to being with him [2].
What are the pros and cons then?
There’s just one con, really. And that is that transgender men don’t have a biological penis. And also, for a lot of women, the fact that they won’t be able to have biological children with a trans man is often a big deal. But for a transgender guy who doesn’t want biological kids, it’s no big deal for him.
As for the pros [3], well, a transgender man has by far a better understanding of the female body than a heterosexual guy does. This enables him to give social, physical, emotional, and psychological insights into his female partner than a heterosexual guy could give.
A transgender guy’s joystick can literally do a wonderful job of do something very intimate for a woman. Both partners will be moving and gyrating together and orgasming, most likely, together. Some transgender men have found it very satisfying that their straight women partners have been able to orgasm during penetrative sex with the joystick over their heterosexual partners! Another pro for the transgender man, as well as for many straight women, is that there is no chance of unwanted pregnancies.
A straight woman must realize that a confident transgender man is proud and happy to be who he is
Yes, he will wish he had a biological penis. But a lot of transgender guys believe as one transgender guy put it, that they wouldn’t be anywhere close to the person that they are today, that the results of them being trans have turned out pretty positive as far as dating straight women goes.
Nevertheless, what does really get to them is when they get rejected; that can really sting for them.
Here are a couple of DON’T tips for the transman dating a straight woman
- Don’t tell your lady that you are transgender when you’re in the middle of making out. Do it over dinner or a walk in the park, and also when there is no alcohol involved.
- Remember it takes the processing of the information you have given a woman to sink in and be absorbed. If you give them the time and you two genuinely have a connection, they will be open to exploring things further.
- Remember to honor their feelings and respond to what you tell them. Immediately after telling someone your biggest vulnerability, you will feel extremely naked as if you have revealed your all. This is not the time to take things any further. It is best to keep your pants on when you’re feeling at your utmost naked, scared, and vulnerable!
Conclusion
A lot of transgender guys have had enough positive experiences with straight women to be happy and confident that the transition they made years ago was the best thing they could do for themselves. Being a transman certainly has been a factor in some relationships, but many find happiness with straight women; many knowing it was not the reason why they broke up when they did. Their biggest hurt and disappointment is being rejected – that really blows for them. But then, being trans is also an important part of what has made them. Some rejection has simply made them stronger, more thoughtful, insightful, and resilient people. One bit of advice from another transgender guy who says, “Stay open. I promise, with the right person, it’ll be totally worthwhile.”
References
[1] https://journals.lww.com/prsgo/fulltext/2021/03000/regret_after_gender_affirmation_surgery__a.22.aspx
[2] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3696033/
[3] https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-advantages-of-being-transgender
